Monday, September 21, 2009
i received many msges from friends asking if i am alright after they read my last blog entry. thanks to everyone who cares, and dun worry, i'm not depressed or anything. it's just a posting for my own reflection(: rouisanna is still that bubbly and cheerful gal :D but i'm really glad to have you guys around, supporting me in everything i do. i am really thankful (:
For some reasons, I always feel that I am blessed. I might not be the most fortunate girl in this world, but nonetheless, I still consider myself fortunate. Since young, I have been brought up well by my grandparents whom never failed to discipline me if I did something wrong, and it's due to their strict discipline that makes me who I am today. Without their guidance, I would have strayed to the dark side, and not be the good-natured gal whom everyone loves.
i will be talking about my grandparents in this entry. As i have been brought up by my paternal grandparents, my relationship with them is therefore closer as compared to my maternal ones. For 12 years ever since i was borned, I lived with them under the same roof, and slept with them in the same room. Ah ma would fetch me to and fro from school everyday, and all my friends and teachers knew her as a very friendly person. I was proud to have her as my granny, and my sociable character is partly due to her influence(: Ah gong also played his role well. He would take my sister and I to have roti prata every weekend at a nearby coffee shop, and he would stack up the chairs for us to sit, and tear the prata into pieces for us. He also taught me how to ride a bike too. Everynight, I would sleep next to them on the mattress laid out on the floor, and I would tuck myself to sleep by sucking on my finger, and playing with my ah ma's middle finger ( it's an old habit of mine:X ).
I was really a very mischievous kid back then. I did many terrible things that hurt quite a number of people, and one of them was ah ma. I will never forget that incident in which i upset her so much to the extent that she broke down. I don't think i will be able to erase this incident from my mind; it will always be part of my childhood memory. I was shocked back then, but leopards never changed its spots. Despite that incident, I was still quite playful and disobedient. Being caned and getting scolded were still daily occurrences for me.
Despite my inappropriate misbehavior, I was still doing quite well academically in school. I was in the top class, and getting the top few rankings in my primary school days. As i grew older, I gradually learnt to behave better, but getting chided was still common. Whenever I got back my results or report book, I would show them to my family, and my grandparents would always say the same thing " ji xu nu li" ( which means continue to work hard). They were not good at expressing their emotions, but i knew they were really happy that their granddaughter was doing well in school. For once, I felt that I was doing something to make my grandparents proud. Even till today, what motivates me to do my best in exams is partly due to the fact that I want them to feel proud that they have a capable grand-daughter.
Days passed, years flew, and soon I was in secondary school. My parents bought a new flat ( the current flat I'm stayin in), and as their daughter, I therefore had to move out from my grandparent's place and back to my own home. I was very reluctant to go back to my parents, and I cried so hard. I told ah ma I don't want to go home, and I wanted to stay at Bukit Batok with them. I knew they were upset that I had to go back too. It was really a low period for me. I had no choice; I had to go. After moving back to my parent's place, I would still visit my grandparents as frequently as possible. When the time came for me to go back again, I would tear secretly. I cried, not because I disliked my home. I cried, because I missed ah ma and ah gong.
even though i am 20 and grown-up now, they still see me as their small grandchild. I will still visit them occasionally, and ah ma will never fail to cook my favourite food for me whenever I go over to their place. They have both aged quite alot, and I will want to spend as much time with them as possible while they are still around so that I will not have any regrets when they leave. I used to cry whenever I thought of them not being around anymore, and sometimes, I still tear. I know that this day will come, and I cannot do anything to stop it from arriving. No one knows what will happen tomorrow. All I can do now is to cherish every single moment I could have with them, cause every moment spent with them will be a part of the memory of us together.
Whenever I visit the temple, I will pray for their good health, and that God will give me the chance to show my filial piety to them. Ah ma and ah gong went throught alot of hardship, and even though they are in their old age already, they are still not able to enjoy the last stage of their lives. I really hope that God will hear my prayer, and bless them with good health so that they can live longer to see me get a good job and probably have my own family. I believe that my happiness will be equivalent to theirs as well, as every grandparent will want their grandchildren to do well. I want them to leave in peace when the day should finally come.
What lies in the future is unpredictable; I can't promise they will live to see everything. But I know that I can do my part now to make them happy, and that their efforts in rearing me had not gone down the drain.
If not for their unrelentless love and patience, Rouisanna will not be who she is today.

my family.

ah gong and ah ma on Fathers' day 09
To my dear friends, learnt to cherish the people whom you treasure, before it's too late.
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